They say that no one mourns the wicked, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Charlie was as wicked as they come, and no, she's not dead. But she's gone just the same, and I still don't quite understand it. She didn't leave a note. She didn't so much as call. She didn't say good bye. She simply didn't return to the ship when I asked her. I mean, she didn't even answer the call. She just denied it when it came in. And even though I don't understand, I think I know why.
She was always the aggressor; everything was her idea... or nearly everything. She pushed for what she wanted and most nights I gave it to her. Other nights she would make me beg, and we'd laugh about it afterward. I thought we were ready, so I asked.
She just looked at me for a long time and said, "I have to think about it."
"You have to think about it? I thought that's what you wanted."
"I thought so too. But I don't know."
She slept on the couch that night, no matter how hard I begged her to come to bed. The next morning was shore leave, and she was gone when I got up. I never saw her again. All I have left are the pictures, and they don't do her justice at all. I look at them and I still wonder just what I did wrong.
I know it's not my fault, but I can't help feeling that I had something to do with her sudden disappearance. It would help if I could find her and ask, but even her father has no idea where she is. He says she's never done anything like this to anyone she's ever dated, male or female. That surprised me, finding out she was actually bisexual. She'd never so much as hinted at it while we were together. So now I have to wonder... did she find someone else?
It was never anything I considered, that Charlie would find someone she liked better and just leave. Everyone before her was so reluctant to even come aboard my ship, but she so gladly moved into my cabin that I really thought she was some kind of angel. Now, I'm not so sure.
"All good things come to an end," my mother always said. "Never count on anything. Ever." As much as I hate to admit it, she was right. If something is too good to be true, well... it's usually not true. I wish I had learned that sooner and avoided all this. I know what she'll say when she hears about all this. "I told you so, Felicia. You should find a nice boy. Nice boys don't do that to pretty girls like you." Sometimes I'm not sure she's really my mother.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust a pretty face again, wicked or innocent. I've learned my lesson, painful as it was.
Good bye, Charlie, wherever you are. I hope you're happy.
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